need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
