what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
