i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
