It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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