how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
