just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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