Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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