I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
