I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
