wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
