I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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