Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
