Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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