Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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