Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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