Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
