hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
