seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
