Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
