You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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