Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
