Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
where am i from again
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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