U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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