arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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