She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
