Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
