i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
