Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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