A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
