just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
