I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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