Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Houston, we have a blender
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
