"it" just moved
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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