listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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