guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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