Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
