The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
