I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
