Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
