i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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