FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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