once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
