he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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