so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
