I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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