as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
