dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
