There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do herpes really smell.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
