Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
