Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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